From Brigadier Emelio Pinnochio, commander of the Electoral forces North of Coberg to the Elector Frederich Wilhelm.
Sir, it is my pleasure to report a victory, err, no, a great victory. Yes, that’s it! A great victory in the vicinity of Coberg this July 31st. Your forces, which I have the honor to command, surprised a much larger San Maurician Army commanded by the noted shoplifter and card cheat General Bonnechance and, after a sharp engagement, tricked them into following me north where I have deployed additional forces in a carefully laid trap. My wife, Morgan Fairchild, assures me she has never seen men handled so cleverly, and she knows a thing or two about handling men, believe me. It is but a matter of time until the invading Snail-Eaters are at my mercy.Our brave men take up their positions in and around the village
It is customary for a commander to mention in dispatches those of his subordinates who distinguished themselves. It pains me to say that the only Electoral soldier who distinguished himself in the recent battle was me. The young man who bears these dispatches to you is a troublesome little gossip, and if he tries to provide you with an account of the recent action that is in any way inconsistent with mine he should, in my opinion, be shot.
I remain your Humble, Obedient, etc.
EmilioThe enemy advances in overwhelming force