Ladies! Gentlemen! Come to order! Please take your seats and come to order! Welcome to the charter meeting of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Cavalry. As you know, our charter calls for an end to violence as it pertains to man's best friend, the noble horse. There has been no more egregious example of mindless brutality toward our four legged friends than the recent battle of Dettingen Bridge. On that occasion the hired thugs of the self styled 'king' of San Maurice brawled with our home grown gangsters under the command of our Elector Fredrich William.
I didn't vote for him! (this from the audience)
Settle down Hans. Now, Brothers and Sisters, if these costumed bullies want to shoot each other that's their business, but why must they force the noble horse to participate in their brutality?
On this one occasion three entire regiments of the Electors horses suffered humiliation and physical harm. On the left flank the Lieb Curraisser regiment was entirely destroyed by the self loathing horses of the San Maurician Gensdarmes. Those same Gallic steeds then turned on the Lieb Dragoons with unrestrained fury born of false conciousness and chased them in terror from the field. Meanwhile, on the right flank the Ardozollern Curraissers managed to tangle their horses up in a farmer's hedge, doing serious damage to their equine self esteem.
When he was done abusing his innocent horses the Elector sent his infantry in to drive off the Cheese Eaters, leaving those of us who are more evolved to wonder why he didn't just do that to start with. This concludes our agenda for this evening. Remember to get those petitions signed, and please feel free to join us for punch and cookies in the back.
