Ardoberg Enquirer
We report, you deride
Our crack reporting team in the San Maurician capital was able to reach the King of that unhappy land, Louis Phillipe, for a comment regarding the recent invasion by Ardoberg-Holstein. The invading army is reported to be three regiments of Horse, five regiments of Foot and two batteries of artillery. The King felt confident that the invaders are adequately contained by his forces in the area, a single battalion of the Navarre Regiment and the Aquibusiers de Bergerac (if they are sober).
Asked about his plan to drive out the invaders the King replied "Drive them out? No, no monsieur. My economic Minister advises me to make every effort to keep them within our borders at least until the end of the current campaign season. Their presence is benefiting the local economy and we expect our Gross Domestic Product to increase by approximately 2% this year as a result. "
Through sources who must remain anonymous we were also able to discover His Majesty's plan to neutralize Ardoberg-Holsteins British allies. Louis Phillipe recently sent a large sum of money, arms and military stores to the recalcitrant Scottish Jacobite Red Dougie MacArdo to stir up trouble for Britain close to home. According to those same sources, the King raised the money by posing for a series of drawings in various stages of undress, which were then sold to Elisabeth, Emperess of Russia. Our sources go on to report that the Elector of Ardoberg-Holstein offered to provide a similar service to Elisabeth for substantially less money, and was rejected out of hand.
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