The Bronze Age has maintained a hold on my imagination since
childhood. Early influences included a really good quality hard cover
children’s Iliad and Odyssey book and countless Italian made sword and sandal
movies, like the Sons of Hercules series. The book was written back when adults
respected the intelligence of children. Its like is not to be found among the
books offered for sale to children today. I have no excuse for the movies,
except I enjoyed the action and the costumes. I also found the obligatory
dancing girl scene that was included in each movie strangely interesting. Later
on, Mary Renault’s ‘Theseus’ novels and the grown up version of the Iliad reinforced
my interest. It was inevitable that
Homeric warriors would show up in my wargaming.
So it was that last week war came to the dusty plains of
Mycenaean Greece. Betty,
the slightly less attractive younger sister of Helen, has dumped her husband in
favor of Favio Polybiceps, son of Mysoxargon, the Achaean king of Baklava. Her
husband, Cucoldius, Heraclid king of Monopylae, ignores the restraining order
she has against him and marches on Baklava. Heroes supported by bands of lesser
men will fight it out under the watchful eye of (occasionally meddlesome) gods.
Plus Polythemus the cyclops has joined Mysoxargon with the understanding that he
gets to eat any prisoners.
The gods look down from Olympus on the field of battle
Mysoxargon marshals his forces on the level ground before
his town. His chariot and two others are on his left while his other four
chariots and the 10 foot tall Cyclops anchor his right. His spearmen and
skirmishing warriors form up behind the chariots. The Heraclid forces line up
with 2 chariots on their right supported by skirmishers. The center is held by
their spearmen. The left is led by King Cucoldius himself with 5 chariots.
The hero Mysoxargon prepares for battle
As the armies close on each other the Kings and their
chariot borne Heroes beseech the support of the gods. Zeus opposes any divine
intervention in this human feud but the rest of the gods are sharply divided
into factions supporting the contending armies.
The Heraclid chariots roll forward while the goddess Aphrodite looks on
As the armies advance toward each other Aphrodite manages to
slip out of Olympus undetected and joins Cucoldius forces. She prevents the
advance of Mysoxargon and his supporting Heroes, who were poised to ride down a
mass of Heraclid skirmishers. Seeing his opportunity, Cucoldius strikes home
with his main chariot force against a lesser number of Achaean chariots
supported by the Cyclops. Hero faces off against Hero in a life or death
struggle for victory and everlasting fame. Two of the Achaean Heroes fall, but
the Cyclops wades into the Heraclid chariots smashing them to kindling and
sending their bronze clad Heroes to the underworld.
Polythemus the Cyclops wreaks havoc among the Heraclid warriors
Just as the mayhem reaches its peak the godess Hera slips
out of Olympus to support her favorite, Mysoxargon. Zeus notices his wife and
Aphrodite are missing and forces them to cease their meddling and return to
Olympus. Mysoxargon, no longer held in check by Aphrodite, charges into the
Heraclid skirmishers smiting them like there is no tomorrow. Seeing the Linear
A writing on the wall, Cucoldius and what remains of his army flee the field. The
battle is over. Betty, the face that launched 7 ships, marries Favio
Polybiceps. In the course of time she puts on a lot of weight and he loses his
hair. They are both soon forgotten.
Postscript: The rules used for the game were DBA, with additional rules for the intervention of the gods. If anyone would like a copy of the divine intervention rules, let me know at garylcomardo@aol.com and I'll send them along via email. Several of the Sons of Hercules movies complete
with the cheesey theme song are on Youtube.